It can be the worst feeling in the world, when you feel like your best isn’t good enough.
Folks, this farming/homesteading gig is hard.
Like, really hard.
Like, sometimes I just want to cash in all my chips and run away, hard.
I have been preparing myself to write this post for over 2 months now. I really didn’t want to. I wanted things to end differently.
I wanted this situation to have a happy ending.
I wanted before and after photos of how I made things better, how I fixed things.
And I was scared to tell ya all that my abilities didn’t quite measure up.
But ultimately, I am not in control.
And sometimes……sometimes, no matter how hard I try; no matter how much love I put into it, sometimes, it just isn’t enough.
Two weeks ago we had to put our goat, Lucy down. She was born and raised right here on the farm, but she had been sick for far too long (almost two months), and no matter what I did, I couldn’t make it better. I had a feeling we might have to put her down, but I wasn’t willing to accept that I couldn’t make help her. I tried everything. Conventional medicine, homeopathic medicine, herbs, etc., we spent so much money and countless hours administering medication, sometimes every hour on the hour.
Why couldn’t I fix this?
I am a farmer, I should have the knowledge to keep everyone healthy.
I think most of us have been in this situation.
So what do you do when you put your heart, soul, and e2C soul, and eve into something and it’s not enough?
You grieve: Boy did I ever. I was a mess. I watched as the vet gave her the medication to put her to sleep and I apologized. I told her I was so sorry that I couldn’t help her. I asked her to forgive me for not being able to do more, as I watched her spirit leave her body. I told her I loved her and that I would see her again someday.
But don’t stay in this spot. At some point you have to get yourself off of the emotional roller coaster and take the reins again. The peace will come when you stop allowing the event to control your emotions.
Tell yourself the truth: In other words, don’t believe everything you think. I was telling myself a lie. I was telling myself that I had let Lucy down. I had left our followers down. I had let the farm down. The truth is I did all I could. The truth is I put all my love and energy into saving her. What the vet told me was the truth, “I went above and beyond.”
There is no such thing as failure: I believe that everything happens for a reason. This all part of the journey, and I can’t keep everyone safe all of the time. No, it is not how I pictured things turning out, but there are lessons to be learned. Sometimes I wish that lessons didn’t hurt so much.
Don’t quit: There are several memes on the internet that that say failure is when your best isn’t good enough. I don’t agree. Failure is when you stop trying. So don’t quit.
In the end, my best was enough. I had my moment of doubt, fear, anxiety, and sadness. I allowed myself to feel all of that and express all of that. But I didn’t sit there. I got up, dusted myself off, applied the lessons I learned, and moved on.
Has there been a time in your life when you felt your best wasn’t good enough?
Comment below and tell me about some strategies you used to help you.
